while i'm living...

my grandmother in the last half decade or so of her life had a tendency of talking about her funeral arrangements...  she'd mention how she wanted to be cremated, what songs she wanted sung and a lot of other stuff too. to be honest, i hated that! it sounded so morbid! i would be like, "don't talk about stuff like that, mema".
... and she would just ignore me and keep talking. hahaha.

i remember that she didn't want any flowers at her funeral. "give me mine while I'm living," she'd say. ...for whatever reason, i didn't like that either! lol. i guess in a way it sounded hedonistic? haha. lately, though, i've been thinking of those words. i have a clearer understanding of what she meant now. it's the idea that you should show the people that you love how you care while they are still physically with you. to visit, to spend time. to send a note and to make a call... i'm thankful that we were able to do that as a family for my mema. i'm sure i could have done it more, but i know that she knew i cared about her.

i need a reminder of that these days. sometimes i forget that people don't necessarily know what i'm thinking. haha.

mema & my brother-in-law out to eat on my 16th birthday

awwww. mema.

i miss that woman ... it catches me off guard every now and then. it would be nice to have a little cuddle with her right about now, and watch 'walker texas rangers'.